Maybe… Less down to the wire than I thought?

In the course of a single night, I went from “I can’t figure out htis important contribution And I don’t know what I’m going to do if I can’t finish it” to “someone else did it oops” and one interesting note is being completely unable to do something is surprisingly significantly less stressful to me than struggling to do something I know I should be able to do. Just a personal tendency I’ll have to keep track of to make sure I don’t end up coasting out of laziness, but wow that was quite a leap in stress levels.

On that note, I think I’ve calmed down a bit since last weeks post, would not blame anyone for finding it a little dramatic, but hey Im gonna be real I was stressed out, in and out of class. Maybe someone was feeling similar and after seeing it won’t feel so bad about it, I don’t know. I think I have a little bit of a perfectionist streak, ESPECIALLY when the guidlines for what “success” is are a little less defined. I’ll have some arbitrary amount or type of contributions that I deem minimal to be considered “good” and not meeting makes me feel liek a heel. I think in the future its going to be important for me to keep track of what expectations are from others, not just myself. I think its ok to keep my own expectations high, keep pushing myself, so long as I know my standards are above “necessary”. I need to distinguish the difference between “Above and beyond success” and “just passing” because somehow I’ve come to feel like anything below exceptional is a failiure, and thats nuts. It certainly isn’t inentional, and its not like it stems from a ton of successes. I usually do a mediocre job and just feel bad about it, so maybe its time I tried to re-write my thought process!